Saturday, October 31, 2009

"The promise is broken"


I want to strum it, I want to strum it hard, strum it harder, harder and harder, till my fingers start bleeding, I don't know how to play guitar, but still I want to strum it. I want to feel myself in front of a galore of crowd, standing on the pinnacle, and strumming the object hard,Creating mysteries with music. I want my eyes to be closed, and feel myself.
I want to run through green meadows, I want to throw paper balls and catch them, I want to swing from the Banyan trees. I want to play soccer with plastic balls, I want to sweat it out and get driven out of the class, I want to cheat, I want to kiss, I want to make mattresses, I want to gawk at the sexiest girl in the class, I want to appear in the boards again, I want the tension back, I want the pressure back, I want to appear for the joint again, I want to be selected in the fucking electrical engineering department again, I want the first year days back, I want to carry out orders,I want to get ragged, I want to dream about my school life crush again. I want to be myself again. I want to love again.

" THE PROMISE IS BROKEN "

Friday, October 30, 2009

Strange enough


Have you ever wondered, why always the good men die first, and the evil ones remain polluting the world? Why God always takes the good ones away from you keeping the faces near you,which you hardly want to see.

No hidden philosophy in the above statement, all I want to mean is straight and forward, why always the beloved ones has to be shifted far away from you.The term "beloved ones" does not necessarily mean one's girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse etc. It can be one of your family members or even be one of your friends,colleagues or seniors.

You seldom get the chance to see the face of the person you really want to see. Sometimes you never get a chance. Perhaps the have shifted far away from you, perhaps to some other state, to some other country, or even to some other continent. And the faces you hate to see, flash in front of you regularly.First you try to escape, but then, after some time, you get accustomed.

Perhaps, the God plays yet another game with us. It shouldn't be looked upon as a game because one again it is for the goodness sake of ourselves. The logic is simple, when you see the faces you love after a long while, you suddenly feel yourself to be the happiest person in the world, every bit of blue remaining inside you gets overshadowed by the strong tint of yellow. All these year long separations, is just for that moment. However the same is not the case with sorrow. Because if after a long interval, you see those faces, there are two possibilities.1) the greatest healer has helped you to heal, and it doesn't make an effect at all.
2) the wound hasn't healed yet, and it becomes infected yet again. So is there this continuous poke, it hurts, but then after some time it becomes a habit. And after some day, may be some years, suddenly you feel that its not hurting you anymore. God's really great.:)

Friday, October 23, 2009

Standing on the edge

No leaf clover. For those who don't know what actually is it, its yet another song by Metallica. Now the reason behind me mentioning the "not so famous" song is that I wanna make an excerpt.


"Then it comes to be that the soothing light at the end of your tunnel / Was just a freight train coming your way"

We,the metal heads, claim ourselves to be the dark creatures of the earth.We "die" for the colour black. But in the back of our mind, we want to get enlightened, a tint of white to make the colour at least gray, if not white. But here arises one question, one big question that is whether we are capable of sensing the source of the light. What I mean to say is that what appears to us as white may not be white actually. I am not talking about impurities,speckles of purple,blue and this and that mixed with white. I am talking about whether this light is just a silence before the storm,whether it is there only to rekindle the last traces of hope hidden in the creatures called human, and then kill it mercilessly to push the creature further into darkness.There's a basic difference between rays of the Sun and the thunderbolts. The first enlightens us throughout the day span whereas the later is momentary, it only dazzles our vision.

How to distinguish between the rays of sunlight and the headlight of a freight train coming your way? Its one big question for me. And so far what I've learnt is that one has to entirely depend on his fate for this.I may be wrong. In fact, I am about 90% sure that I'm incorrect.And how to get away from the train? how to avoid getting trampled by its cruel wheels? there's no way according to me. Once again I may be wrong and I want to be proved wrong.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Today I enjoyed "Bhoothnath" with my family. I was feeling gloomy. Although I believe that true happiness lies in making the faces around you happier, but still there was some hitch in my mind. Perhaps, I felt a little bit jealous of the wave of glee surrounding me. Whatever, much to my surprise I actually liked the film.I don't mean to say that the plot was awesome.But some scenes were really touchy. Like the one in which the little boy takes part in the "sraddha" of Kailasnath or the one in which Kailasnath achieved nirvana.I was moved by the emotion hidden in those scenes and suddenly felt that something warm is crawling down my cheeks. I was astonished to see that those were tears actually. This isn't the first time. When I asked one of my closest friend to suggest me some tragic movie, he advised me to watch "Requiem for a dream". That night I cried like I never did before. I do cry. Now that when I evaluate myself, sometimes I do get astonished. Like I still long for running across a lash green fields in a drizzle or I still long for turning at the sky only to see it overcast, pick up the wickets and run for home, I still long for searching shells in the field or listening to fairy tales. I still think tooth fairies and grandma fairy do exist. I still prefer cartoon network than any other channel. I still believe that when you love someone wholeheartedly and truly from inside, he/she will realise it someday and come back to you.
I think although I have grown up, the inner me is still a kid. He has become responsible, he has adapted himself with this world of adults but still he is a kid.

Someday back, one of my the then closest pals told me that she has grown up. She has abandoned all the thoughts that were in her head when she was young. She wanted to cut the last thread of friendship with me. I asked her the cause but no use. I didn't get a answer. Now I think she's quite right. She has grown up while I haven't.There will be a huge mentality gap. I think she didn't want to hurt me, didn't want to make me face the bare truth. That's why!

Sometimes I get confused. How to grow up. How to act like a man rather than a kid? Is there some kind of magic potion. I simply can't grow up. When I try to act like an adult, people laugh me off. Again almost half an year back someone said," you are impossible". I can't remember who exactly he/she is. But still, I think he/she was right. I am impossible.

PS:- If someone knows how to prepare/get that magic potion, please tell me. I want to grow up. :)

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Some people can trust others, some people can't
Some people can love others, some people can't
Some people seek happiness while some let happiness seek them
Some people love sorrow while some people accept it as a part of life
Some people are frightened of losing while some take failure as a pillar of success
Some people havereally grown up, while some still have some element of childishness hidden in them.

Some people win and some lose.
but at the end of the day, who becomes the ultimate winner?