Dreams

It was a dark winter night. I was walking alone on the pavement, with every traces of light extinguished, and there was pitch black out there. I was thinking of the day. The day I just left behind, the sunshine over the pine trees, the lazy afternoons, and I ended up here. In between the pitch black surroundings, I moved slowly, I was almost sauntering like a reptile. I didn't intended to become one. But still. Something inside told me to do so. It told me that "you are safe this way" It told "Never open you eyelids, burn your fingertips so that you can't sense anything, cement your eardrums" I listened to the call. I had nothing to do. And I was feeling really nice. I was not feeling anything. All I knew was I am safe this way. Then there came a lightning bolt, out of nowhere, I was forced to open my eyelids, hah!! I saw the light after a decade, I heard the sound. I felt something. It reminded me of the sunny noons, me with 10 other children, smiling, chirping, taunting others, the teachers getting annoyed. The shelter. It made me nostalgic. I ran after it, I never knew where I was heading, But I still ran, towards the light, but slowly steadily it disappeared, leaving me amidst the darkness. I felt helpless. I was more comfortable when I could not feel anything, but now I see the darkness surrounding me, now I can hear the eerie cry of the night creatures, now I can sense the freezing cold, I retreated, I turned back towards my shelter. But I explored that I have lost the way. There were nothing in the vicinity, The bolt flashed again and again and again and again...... I ran towards it, but I failed to catch it. The sky laughed at me in its own style, then he suddenly became soft and started crying. I was all drenched, I shut my eyelids again, I cemented my ear again, I burnt my fingertips again, I stitched my lips again. I thought I was safe again, I tried hard to think about the sunshine, but the bolt started reverberating in my mind. I WOKE UP.

Another late night entry

Today, I gave an awesome test, in the ciem style or rather ans style. Long live ans's tea break. And kudos too, for providing us with some breeze of relief. But the headache is not over yet. The next week will see [hopefully] us attending a paper where we don't even know about the syllabus. Yesh! It' s the plss... I have two days in my hand, and I don't even know the ABCs of this subject. I reckon most other students of our class is facing more or less the same problem, since there is no definite text book on this subject or rather there is no text book at all. All we have, is some theses papers, some aimless copies from some textbooks and such things, and we'll have to appear in the test depending on them. But then, its still a long time to go... 48 HOURS.So why spoil the moment.
For two days or so, whenever I am switching my computer on, I am setting the good old max payne 1 theme as the background music. Why am I doing so? Because, it is one of the most favorite tunes of mine and moreover its making me nostalgic about the times, when study at last moment was enough to emerge out as a rank holder, and also there were textbooks on subjects. Gone are those days.
We are planning to go to Andhrapradesh as a part of our educational tour. I suspect how much education will we achieve, but then who cares?
And I am not committed.

Late night entry

Pheewwww!! These lab reports never seems to get completed. I am trying to finish it over the past 3 hours or so, but its still not done, so tomorrow I'll hafta go to college, attend comp lab and then will have to make the apparatus list and derive the transfer function. This particular report, I think, is taking a bit way too long. I have already drawn 10 or so diagrams and reproduced the same number of tables. But still its not over. I will have to draw a graph, show some calculations, make the apparatus list, and do some discussions if there remains enough time left. Its already 4 o'clock now, and tomorrow I will have to get up within 9. So, I reckon, I must go to bed now. Last few days, I have been trying hard to get myself indulged in some reading practice. Story books or novels, off course! but not getting enough time to do it. I reckon, I will not be able to do so before the semester, because I think this is the last quiet week before sem. The survivor series (class tests) will begin soon.

A boring day

They say I am turning a bit aggressive these days. In fact a hell lotta aggressive. I myself have felt the truth of this statement. Like, there had been some certain outbursts from me where it was not necessary at all. After cool down, I always however have realized my fault, and tried to compensate by expressing regret to the concerned persons.And I have always been ashamed of such behavioral change of mine. But now I feel that, I should not get ashamed. Because not all, but same people out there needs to be dealt with as such. I had always tried to help others out, tried to extend a helping hand towards people in their need. Tried to be a friend in need. But now I am feeling that, I had been an idiot. I help others, and in return in my need I get denied. I can't ever imagine how shameless, self centered and selfish people may be. There's a word called " kritoghno" in Bengali, which rightly describes people of such nature. Luckily I have some people in my corner (till now) , who in spite of all difficulties and obstacles tries to help me out. And I am really lucky to have them as friends. I have had the same feeling about those mean minded people from quite a time back but now I think most the people out there will agree with me.

Today was a boring day. It started with a phone call from one of my seniors. Fortunate, that's what I should say to myself because I had a viva today. The hydro lab viva. Apart from some last second edits, the viva went on smoothly. It made me kinda astonished though. We had a plan to visit one of my friend's place today, but the plans got spoiled as some emergency situation arose, from then on it had been a boring day. I spent hours in the tt room, trying the same old backhands. Then one of my seniors pointed out the main weakness of my playstyle. And I think he was completely correct. I will again have to work on, like I toiled for my backhand.

Walking down the memory lane

The root of all evil, the devil himself, the Satan, the destroyer, the to be murderer these all describe one person according to another one. I had been in home for a whole day after a long time. And seriously, its didn't seem soothing. There are reasons. But my guitar reverberated some melancholy and gloomy tune for the whole day and so did my mind. And finally it became silent so did me. All those memories from the past crowded up in my mind, an eager desire to print footmarks on the wet sand, dancing in the field and playing with the kids, collecting shells. Those summer days with a typical smell and bright blue sky, chewing ice cubes while sitting on the box window, aimlessly wasting time, watching cartoons, off for field in the afternoon, experiencing the storm with hands wide spread and eyes closed, dreaming about a certain girl but still not realizing love for her, and moreover remaining silent. I used to be a brilliant fielder and a good goalkeeper. Time really races. When I shut my eyelids, I can still see those moments as if they have occurred just before. Running on the lash green fields or even the dusty field of my secondary school. We returned to the classroom soaked in sweat after playing soccer under sun and used to get rebuked by our teachers, or even sometimes punished severely. Gone are those days,when you don't really realize what loneliness is, when you trusted everyone without hesitation, when there was no time for you to join some social networking sites. We have evolved really, even in the college, we used to play cricket together but now we don't because now we don't have time.

Sometimes, we walk down the memory lane, and all those cherished moment flash in our mind. It really hurts. Once one have stepped in this road, he should always step forward without turning his head behind, unless the path in front may also get hazy.

Fuck GD's mom

I fucked it up once again, another miserable start of another fucking semester. Control system class test. Albeit of all the concerns and duties in Sanskriti, I still managed to pull my body and mind, to study till 5:00 am sometimes. This time I tried my best for a good start. But fuck!! It got messed up again. Now that I am thinking of the nights before the exam, I think I should have really ignored it. All those efforts went into vain. Who thought that the old motherfucker will set a question from amplitude scaling? When I saw the question, the first thought that came to mind is whether I have heard the words before. I could not even understand the question. That was quite obvious, because none imagined that he will set a question from the amplitude scaling chapter. All the people to whom I asked about the syllabus, told me that the chapter was not included in the syllabus.
But there is the result now, first class test of the season and I left 10 marks untouched, the dream of getting an s in control systems ends right here and now, all that I can aim for is an a. Quite demoralising. I have another class test tomorrow, the field theory class test. The class test carnival has started. Now there will be no time to spare. :(.

All over, yet again

15th March,2009; people at OAT witnessed the final and oat night of SANSKRITI 2009. Its all over, yet again. After few months, a few familiar faces will not occur anymore in the union room. It will seem vacant for a few months. And then life will go on. For some people The OAT night might not seem that interesting. But for us it was special. End of another Sanskriti, end of the preparations , end of the disputes, end of keeping the fingers crossed. Mohit Chauhan may have failed to impress all the spectators, but for us its a completely irrelevant topic. Had it been any other not so famed person or band, it would have been the same for us. Its Sanskriti after all. But everything has an end.

Gibberish

Scaling down the analog simulator??? It's not so. You throw a ball thousand times towards a vertical wall, in the 4001th throw it will indeed show some upward bump. You rub your fingers against those guitar string, rub it once,rub it twice and continue, after finishing the 1000th try, you will find a groove cut in your finger. You try the backhand smash once, twice, thrice after the 10000th try you'll wonder to see it being proper. You try a headshot from 10 miles away, with a normal carbine or ak in your hand, you try it, you are not gonna succeed, after numerous trials luck may shine in your way. All you have to be is to be mechanical and believe in Bernoulli's trials. Believe the binomial distribution, statistics is a very interesting subject, Normal distribution is the thing that everything follows, you know that everything is probable,is feasible.No matter how little the probability is there is still a chance for an event to occur. Never loose hope, that's what I am trying to say. Or am I?? Thanks for reading anyways :D

10 reasons for not drinking Vodka

1) Its alcoholic.
2) It tastes like shit.
3) It doesn't cost much but the accessories necessary tend to push the expense higher.
4) Makes you drunk, you wont get satisfied but you'll feel drunk.
5) Tends to develop a resistance in the sense that as you consume it for a longer period, much more volume will be needed to satisfy you.
6) The smell is horrible.
7) The lowest priced variety is awful in taste.
8) Impossible to drink a considerable amount raw.
9) When consumed with rum or beer, tends to produce a spike effect.
10) linear ramp effect rather than surge, makes you wait for ages sometimes to get the feeling.

10 reasons for quitting cs

1) Its addictive, eats up lot of time and at the end of the day, you strive to get free time.
2) Detrimental unless you are a complete game freak and planning to take gaming as your career.
3) Develops a tendency to shout "fire in the hole","go go go","cover me","sector clear" while sleeping, making the other family members suspicious about your mental stability.
4) Takes the toll on your pockets, 1 hr at a parlor may cost anywhere between rs 8 to rs 12. 3 hours a day at parlor takes a toll of about rs 25 minimum.
5) Carbine becomes your dream, spray technique in AK becomes your topic of discussion, no scope and drag shots become your ambition in life.
6) You dodge unknowingly while even playing soccer, in the road you try to dodge the vehicles, you give new names to the moves you adopt to dodge a person.
7) You always expect that there will be some backing. Even if it is yours personal matter, still you yell at people for not providing backing.
8) You pray to the God to give you the power to see through walls
9) Always become suspicious of other's success, may be he has adopted a wall hack.
10) Your eyes ache, your shoulder gets sprained, arms frozen, you need a ricksaw to go to the nearest shop, and suddenly you become too much aware about the phase lags. [:D]

Life

Life is just a function of time, success being its ordinate at which dlife(t)/dt=0 and d2life(t)/dt2=-ve, successful love being its ordinate at which dlife(t)/dt=0 and d2life(t)/dt2=+ve.

Climbing up the cliff is way too hard, but climbing down is equally easy.

I met me

For the first time in my life, I became happy instead of feeling jealous, knowing that my crush is committed. That too with my friend's friend. May be because it was only the early infatuation state. But still a sense of relief diffused into my mind. I felt not a bit of jealous, not the tiniest piece of agony developed in my mind, either did I repent. I just sensed glee. I was expecting myself to act rather differently, but I was amazed to realize the true me, sometimes we suppress ourselves in order to act more normally. I call this "Conversion of emotion". It helps really at times. Sometimes in a boring class, a bubble of smile may appear at one's lips, may be thinking of some past incident. Try converting it into tears. May be you wont get expelled from the class and lose a precious attendance, so many times in class I have suppressed my yawns and sleepiness, and converted them into tears. It works really but only at times. In some cases though, one should express his/her emotions. Like sometimes you may get hurt by some one's behavior, try expressing your mentality towards him/her. Unless the situation may worsen.

Enough of advices. What I really want to say that today I came to know who I am, what am I. Everything regarding me. I will still continue with my "Conversion of emotion" but only to teachers. For friends and parents, I have never applied that and nor will I in future. So the only category remains unmentioned is the relatives, acquainted ones and the strangers. So for you guys, get ready to expect," You are pretty boring", " The suit doesn't match you or rather you doesn't match the suit"," What am I doing here, whose marriage is this?"," No sorry, I can't recognise you, neither am I trying to"," I have much other works to do than to listen to you"," No, I wont tell you"," Who are you???dumb ass","stop arguing cz you know nothin" kinda stuff from me.

Well!! my blog is censored, so I could enlist only about 1% of the dialogues.

Slash vs Buckethead

Although I'm not the biggest fan of GnR out there, but like many others this question haunts me too, " Who is a better guitarist? slash or buckethead?". Well!I'm not such a guitar literate person to compare between these two guitar legends, but obviously I can comment as a listener of both of them.
Slash or Saul Hudson was the lead guitarist of GnR since its birth, he was with them for the period 1985-96, and that period gave us some of the greatest GnR songs and guitar solos [although they are only a few like sweet child o'mine, November rain, Paradise city,welcome to the jungle and nightrain. The thing I like most in slash's guitaring style is his sense of melodies and harmonies. Obviously he was a little bit on the slower side on the strings but still he managed to create some beauties. He was forced to leave GnR because of the conflict with Axl Rose, the vocalist and owner of GnR, Rose tried to adopt a more progressive style while slash wanted to stick to the old blues. But some say [esp the hardcore slash fans] that Rose started behaving like a dictator with the other members of the band. Keeping the track record of Axl Rose in mind, this explanation seems to be more appropriate to me.

Buckethead on Brian Pattrick Carroll joined GnR in 2000 and left the band in 2004. This weird character wears a KFC bucket on his head with the word "Funeral" typed in front of it, and a white costume mask on his face, however lately he is wearing a white bucket on his head. According to him, the fights for chicken rights, ie against the over usage of chicken as food. This weird character performed mainly as a solo artist before he joined GnR, and was already a renowned character when he joined. Buckethead is a multi instrumentalist but is mainly famous as a electric guitar player. His style consists of fast tempoed bits with lots of shreds. Some accuses that his skills are limited only to shredding, but according to me its not true [listen to nottingham lace or night of the slunk]. He got expelled from GnR because of his erratic lifestyle.

These two are of completely different characters and are very hard to compare. But I think Slash's music thrills me more, but its an undeniable fact that buckethead is a more skilled guitarist. Also some of his solos are in my hot favorite list. Taste for music depends on one's mood. Under normal circumstances, I like slash's guitar a bit more than buckethead's.

3.03.09

I am drunk again today. And this time its vodka.The thing I hate most. I had not have a better choice because no shop could provide me with a bottle of beer. So I had to drink what I hate most. Yes!its vodka. The liquor that tastes like pickled shit. But the aftereffect was nice and I am not in full control yet. Class tests are nearing by. One after another the teachers announcing the class tests. And I have not opened a single book yet. My friends are discussing about which book to read or which topic is covered better in which book. I feel completely awkward in between such discussions. Off course I have some books, but I don't know what to read. So the only thing I beg to them was to tell the teacher to postpone the test. I know had it been held on the final day of our college, I still will not read a single word. Feeling lonely again.