Today I enjoyed "Bhoothnath" with my family. I was feeling gloomy. Although I believe that true happiness lies in making the faces around you happier, but still there was some hitch in my mind. Perhaps, I felt a little bit jealous of the wave of glee surrounding me. Whatever, much to my surprise I actually liked the film.I don't mean to say that the plot was awesome.But some scenes were really touchy. Like the one in which the little boy takes part in the "sraddha" of Kailasnath or the one in which Kailasnath achieved nirvana.I was moved by the emotion hidden in those scenes and suddenly felt that something warm is crawling down my cheeks. I was astonished to see that those were tears actually. This isn't the first time. When I asked one of my closest friend to suggest me some tragic movie, he advised me to watch "Requiem for a dream". That night I cried like I never did before. I do cry. Now that when I evaluate myself, sometimes I do get astonished. Like I still long for running across a lash green fields in a drizzle or I still long for turning at the sky only to see it overcast, pick up the wickets and run for home, I still long for searching shells in the field or listening to fairy tales. I still think tooth fairies and grandma fairy do exist. I still prefer cartoon network than any other channel. I still believe that when you love someone wholeheartedly and truly from inside, he/she will realise it someday and come back to you.
I think although I have grown up, the inner me is still a kid. He has become responsible, he has adapted himself with this world of adults but still he is a kid.

Someday back, one of my the then closest pals told me that she has grown up. She has abandoned all the thoughts that were in her head when she was young. She wanted to cut the last thread of friendship with me. I asked her the cause but no use. I didn't get a answer. Now I think she's quite right. She has grown up while I haven't.There will be a huge mentality gap. I think she didn't want to hurt me, didn't want to make me face the bare truth. That's why!

Sometimes I get confused. How to grow up. How to act like a man rather than a kid? Is there some kind of magic potion. I simply can't grow up. When I try to act like an adult, people laugh me off. Again almost half an year back someone said," you are impossible". I can't remember who exactly he/she is. But still, I think he/she was right. I am impossible.

PS:- If someone knows how to prepare/get that magic potion, please tell me. I want to grow up. :)