25.02.09

I was drunk today. I drank to the extent that the alcohol started taking over my brain. I could not stand properly. And I really rejoiced that. I have none in this world. I realised it yet again. But much to surprise it brought an utter joy to me. Because my search ended there. And I found none. None there for me, not my parents, neither my friends nor anyone. I am really happy now. I think my tears have dried up.

Today I was forced to break the door of our Almira. I was really determined today to submit the sem form and forgot to tell mom about that. Although I left a note on the table, mom overlooked that and I was left helpless. So I had to break it, although later I found it on my book shelf. I was really sorry about that. But as soon as I returned home after a toiling day, my dad started addressing me in some bad names. Numerous times I told him to stop that and oblige me but who cares? he continued. Finally it crossed my threshold of patience and I counteracted. So the situation is very much against me now.

Sometimes I feel that there is no place for me in this world, none cares about me. None cares about my feeling, my emotions, my sentiments. None defends me, none understands me really. The sea of gloom always surrounds me, and whenever I try to cross it, an octopus pulls me back, as if there's a curse on me. I am not destined to me happy. I try to overlook that, and the only way to do so it to loose control over my brain. But that's prohibited too. Every time a faintest odour of ethyl alcohol comes out of my mouth or even if there's a slightest of pupil dilution, my parents start to take on me. I know its impossible for them to allow their son get drunk, but what about me???

I am a son, I am a friend, I am student but where am I as a human being?? People are just scared to go out of their boundaries, their small nuclear worlds, with which they are acquainted, the same old faces recurs around me, the same old events. Waking up at 10, going to college, returning from college, tolerating parents blah blah!man give me a break. I want to get out of it. By any mean!!