Right now, I am feeling like I should write something. But the ideas aren't simply coming in my head. Not a strange thing to me. Such things do happen with me. People laugh and say "You've a great sense of humor", when I try to talk normally, I mean about serious topics. And when I try to crack a joke, they simply give me a vacant look. People say I am a practical joke-er [not joker :x], means I dig up elements of laughter from everyday events. I'll like to narrate one experience. One idle Saturday, me and some of my friends were at the "gachtola" and gazing idly at the field. Now, our college practically becomes a "Nalban" or " Modern Brindavan" during Saturday afternoons, with people from everywhere taking it as an extension of "Dhakuria lake" and doing stuffs that encourage us to shoot films and make money in the pornography industry. [and the guards ask us for ID cards, irony!!! :(]. However, that day, a child was playing cricket with an elder guy. So, one of us spoke out, " these days, the fathers have to do so much of things for their children. I can't even think of my father doing the same thing for me." I said, " or maybe he's their driver, you know in rich families, they send their drivers to play with the children." and the people with me started laughing insanely. It took me a few seconds to realize the reason behind their laughter. "Really, you have a great sense of humor",someone said. I wanted to say, " I didn't want to make such dirty meanings , moron!!" but I decided to stay quite. "When you are in Rome, you should act like Romans" :P

Sometimes, people just refuses to understand. It becomes very difficult to put up with them then. I am narrating another incident. One day, when I was a kid, I went to market with my mom! As we walked, we came in front of an ice cream parlor. I pulled my mom's hand to draw her attention. But no use. Now, I was very stubborn, I decided not to give up and started pulling mom's hand even more forcefully. At last, my efforts came fruitful and mom asked, " Babai tui ki kicchu khabi?" I pointed my finger towards the parlor. My mom replied in an even sweeter voice, " Babai, tumi mar khabe??" I chose to remain silent. Strange mankind. :(

My pops has an awkward habit of accusing me to be responsible for everything that is lost. Okay! its justified when suddenly some cigarettes or a 100 rupee note goes missing. But yesterday, pops summoned me. That day, I returned home at about 10:30 pm, so I was prepared for it. I was determined not to say anything and remain silent. Pops said, " tumi jano tomar jonye amader ki abosthya hoyecche? you are responsible for everything! amar blood pressure rise, tomar mayer blood pressure fall." I remained silent. Pops continued, "Eta kore tumi ki moja pao? tumi ki chao? " etc etc. At last I said some words, " actually Sanskritir ekta meeti....". " Rakho tomar meeting, tumi amar moja [socks] churi korecho kano? tumi jano ami sob kicchu guchiye rakhi. Amar confidence-e crack toiri kore tomar ki lav? tomar ki moja nei??....". I chose to remain silent with only one question wandering into my head, "WHAT THE FUCK???!!!"

People think me to be a very serious table tennis player. Because while playing, I hardly keep my eyes off the ball, and look at the opponent. Sometimes, girls also play tt with us. But I hardly look at them. It all started with one day, I was playing with one of my seniors. He was in tremendous form then, and was making every fucking shots in the earth, land. But I felt something uncanny about his body movement. The same day, I returned home, and tuned into youtube for some salsa lesson. And guess what!! I was alreday acquainted with those moves.From then,I never look at the opponent. I am very bad at concealing laughter.

One day, a girl called me.

" hello! is this Shubham"

" which number are you asking for?"

"xxxxx-xxxxx"

" seems to be correct, but none called Shubham lives here, and I don't know of any Shubham.So, you better check the number"

" shut up and give the phone to Shubham"

" Ma'am you are suffering from some misunderstandings. It seems that you have dialled an incorrect number."

" please Ranjan give it to Shubham."

[who's Ranjan? :O]

"Ma'am"

" you mo-fu. Give it to Shubham. I always knew that you are jealous of us."

[the last words were followed by " o tunir ma tomar tuni kotha sone naaaaaaaaaaaa" from the back ground]

I wondered, Am I Ranjan? May be its hightime to be Ranjan. After all, from the description, it seems that this Ranjan is an unfortunate good guy. And who doesn't like to play the role of an unfortunate good guy.

" Okay Shreya! I lose, was just joking,Ranjan's in the bathroom. Call 5 min later"

" okay but who's Shreya?"

I pressed the red key.

5 mins later the phone rang again. I picked up the phone, and said " This number does not exist please check the number. Yeh number maojud nahin hain kripaya jach le. Ei number-er ostityo nei onugroho kore.... ". Too bad I forgot that this automated message comes in a female voice.:(

One day I went out with a girl, and suddenly a call came to her phone.

girl : " hnnnnnalllllllooooooooo??" [if she's watching this, then this single word will make her realise, who the girl is!! ]

otherside:.......

girl: mane? ami to kono ad deini [in a nasal tone]

otherside:.....

na amar baba-mao deini. apni amar phn no pelen ki kore?

.....

na ami bolchi to ami kono ad deini.

.....

arre apni vul korchen. Ota amar description noye. Apnar valo lagle ki korte pari ami??

.....

girl: cuts the phone.

me: whats the matter

girl: bartamaner patropatri column-e ad dekhe phn eseche. Ami naki amar jonye ad diyechi [all in a nasal tone]

I suddenly felt a burst of laughter. However, that day, I somehow managed to conceal that. However, may be someday she'll hafta place an ad truly, may be not. Who cares???

There's a strange thing about my everyday life, whenever I try to buy fags from a particular shop, the owner exchanges a very unfriendly look with me. So one day I said to him, " Englishra kintu ebar France attack korbe". The very next day he exchanged the same look and I said the same words. And it continued. Recently I have stopped saying those words, because I felt that the offensive look with which I was accustomed has been converted into a look of terror. May be someday, he's going to call the mental asylums.